Returned

I’ve started to feel a bit stagnant as of late, like life is sort of happening around me instead of me engaging with it; like I’m less the protagonist and more a spectator of my own life. It’s not a sense of depression or sadness that I’ve felt in the past, but more a feeling that my life has been on autopilot. I suppose in a word; languishing .  I first remember hearing of this concept during the Covid Pandemic, where time seemed to have stood still and flew by all at the same time. Where each day (for me, anyway) sort of felt like a repeat of the last until suddenly I was back where I started, only one year on. Indeed, time will always march on, but what about us? Do we march on? Or do we simply muddle through? It’s a conscious decision to live your life with intent – one that we must make every single day, and I guess lately I’ve felt I’m slipping in that regard.  At the same time I don’t want to get swept up in notions of constant self-improvement (auf Deutsch, der “Selbst...

I’ve been debating this post for a while now. It’s a bit personal, but I feel it’s worth sharing.  One of the things I’ve learned to respect through moving around so much is how much our lives are molded by the time and space we inhabit. For better or worse, we can only really be – physically, mentally, and emotionally – in one place at a time. We all of course still have agency, but that agency is bound by the circumstances of our everyday lives.  And then there’s this thing called love . Love is a force to be reckoned with in its own right. Like circumstance, it gives meaning and shapes the trajectory of our lives in its own way. And as I’ve spent the last 10 years or so hop-scotching around I’ve noticed something: these two forces seem to forever be at odds with each other.  Love – at least in my experience – has no respect for circumstance. It doesn’t care that you already re-signed your contract for another year, or that your visa is going to run out in six months. ...

I recently finished a 500-mile bike ride from NYC to Montreal with a friend. The days were long, hot, and beautiful. We passed scenic forests and historic sites, and got passed by giant semi-trucks nearly running us off the road. We ate, drank, and sweat several times our bodyweight over the course of a week. Upon arrival in Canada we were greeted with several rain showers and some delicious poutine. Somehow, my noble steed survived the return flight to NYC in a frankensteined case of discarded bread boxes.  In the end it was an altogether, hectic, exhausting, monotonous and exhilarating week. And though I wouldn’t repeat this particular bike trip any time soon, I would happily hop on another as soon as I could. For you see – as I’ve discovered – the bike tour neatly encapsulates my approach to life in a much broader sense.  As in life, I have a general timeframe and destination in mind before embarking on a bike trip. I know that it should take me roughly X number of days to ...

I’ve been in my new position with Lufthansa for just over six months now and it’s going pretty well, all things considered. Good job, good colleagues, and the chance to bring in a bit of that “youngest sibling energy” to the workplace. I’ve also learned quite a few things about the US immigration system and its baffling complexity. Sure, German bureaucracy may be slow and lumbering – I wasn’t able to deregister myself until about 2 months after I physically left the country – but it does follow a certain logic that, if followed, somehow spits you out the other end relatively unscathed. No so here it seems. As I’ve learned, some US visa holders have three different government documents telling them three different expiration dates related to their stay in the country. Why three different dates/documents? Idk, something to do with freedom, probably. I don’t make the rules. I just try to explain them in a somewhat comprehensible manner. But that’s another rant for another time. I’m here t...

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about growing old. Maybe it’s that I’m approaching my 30th birthday, or that I’ve finally returned to the states and become a bit more sesshaft. Maybe it’s two family members passing away recently, one of which was tragically too soon. Whatever the case, the process of aging and eventually passing on is something we all must go through, and I guess I’m in a reflective mood, so buckle up.  I believe it important take your whole life into perspective from time to time and imagine yourself towards the end of this life. Not to obsess over growing old, but just to be conscious of how your life is changing over time, and to recenter your life on things important to you. When I do that and picture myself as an 80-year-old fart sitting in my reading chair somewhere a few things come to mind:  1.) Work is work, nothing more. I enjoy my job. I enjoy my coworkers. I do my best and would like to progress in my role because it’s always good to give yourself ...