Imposter Syndrome

I’ve been in my new position with Lufthansa for just over six months now and it’s going pretty well, all things considered. Good job, good colleagues, and the chance to bring in a bit of that “youngest sibling energy” to the workplace. I’ve also learned quite a few things about the US immigration system and its baffling complexity. Sure, German bureaucracy may be slow and lumbering – I wasn’t able to deregister myself until about 2 months after I physically left the country – but it does follow a certain logic that, if followed, somehow spits you out the other end relatively unscathed. No so here it seems. As I’ve learned, some US visa holders have three different government documents telling them three different expiration dates related to their stay in the country. Why three different dates/documents? Idk, something to do with freedom, probably. I don’t make the rules. I just try to explain them in a somewhat comprehensible manner. But that’s another rant for another time. I’m here to talk about something else. 

Indeed, after starting my new job an old familiar feeling began creeping up in me – one I’m sure we’ve all had at some point or another. Imposter syndrome. You know, that feeling of being in way over your head in a new situation and how it’s only a matter of time before you’re “found out”. Like you’re using new words to not sound like an idiot. I experienced it when I taught my first lessons in Korea (shout-out to waygook.org – does that site even still exist??), quite literally thinking my school principal was going to ask me to book a ticket home after my first month there because I thought one or two of my lessons had flopped. I had it during my internship in Germany when I met for the first time with external clients in a “business” setting, thinking they would switch the meeting to English just accommodate me. And now in my current role, here and there, those pesky little thoughts creep up: come on Ryan, you should know this by now! Everybody thinks you don’t deserve this job. Your incompetence is showing! 

In the moment it's tough to face those thoughts head-on and not let yourself be your biggest critic. This being more or less my first “big-kid job” and having a background primarily in education, I sometimes let these thoughts get the best of me. I negate my past experiences and tell myself that everything I did before “doesn’t count” because I wasn’t living in the “real world” and that I’ll never be taken seriously as a “business person”. But then when I write these thoughts down and read them back to me it just sounds silly. Of course I have valid, applicable experience – that’s why they hired me, lol. 

I certainly didn’t feel qualified to be an English Teacher in Korea when I arrived there, but I left knowing I made a lasting impact on those students I taught. I know I showed them learning a foreign language can be both frustrating and fun, and that making mistakes is just part of the learning process. When I finished my time there one of my coworkers told me that I changed her outlook in life simply by maintaining a positive mindset every day I stepped into the classroom. Another one said I inspired her to pick up studying English again after I passed my Korean language test. 

I was also absolutely certain I was a mediocre-at-best intern and that my master’s thesis was, in a word, meh. Yet during my final year in Germany I successfully defended my thesis with very good marks and was approached by my manager about the prospects of a full-time position with the company after graduation. Huh, not so mediocre after all, I guess. 

And it’s experiences like these which I remind myself of when feeling inadequate in my current role. I may not fully be competent in all aspects of my new role, and I may lack certain knowledge or skillsets due to not coming from a business background. Yet if past experience has taught me anything, it’s that I’ve been here before and I can manage almost any new situation. All it takes is a little patience, perspective, and curiosity. And if you’re reading this, know that your past experiences can absolutely do the same for you, no matter what they are. 

With warm regards, 

Ryan Grabijas 
Global Mobility Coordinator & Immigration Specialist at Lufthansa 
Teenage Dirtbag in Your Heart

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